PARENTING 101!
by Sierrakoi
Summary: Bulma's pregnant with Vegeta's first child...and she has her mind set on getting him some parenting classes! When the Saiyajin finally gives in...the classes begin! Parenting 101!


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Disclaimer: No DBZ is owned by me. ***Tra-lala***

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A/N:

Do not ask. o_O This idea came out of nowhere. I just had to get it out. I've never done anything quite like this before. So....enjoy, or be afraid. Be very afraid.

Ciao!

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PARENTING 101!

It was a nice day. The sun was shining. Birds were singing. Little old women were crossing streets without having to worry about idiots in speed-cars trying to run them over...

And at a certain building called Capsule Corp, a certain Saiyajin no Ouji was in a yelling contest with his mate.

"YES YOU ARE, VE-GE-TA!! And don't try to argue with me!!"

"I most certainly am NOT! IT'S YOUR BRAT!"

"It's yours too, unless that LITTLE FACT MANAGED TO _ESCAPE_ YOU!"

Vegeta took a few deep breaths, the eyes of his fired-up mate boring into his own. The NERVE of he to even PROPOSE that _he_, the Prince of All Saiyajins, go to...

"A school to learn how to handle children!" Bulma declared, her hands firmly planted on her hips as she kept her rock-hard glare on the Saiyajin. "It's NOT that difficult! No offense Vegeta, but you need some serious parenting skills!" She looked down to her swollen stomach, her face softening. 

Vegeta snorted, still not wanting to give in. "I need no such skills!" he barked.

Bulma snapped her head up, a sudden evil, spastic smirk creeping across her face. "Oh? Then I guess I'll have to show Goku those pictures I took of you when you had those bunny ears on..."

Vegeta's ice-cold heart stopped beating. He KNEW he shouldn't have let that woman convince him to put those on in exchange for an extra helping of rice! "You...wouldn't..."

Bulma only smirked.

-_-_-_-

LOCATION: PARENTING CENTER. DAY 1

"HELLO everyone!!"

Vegeta stared at the man in front of him. He was dressed in a blue business suit with a flower stapled to his chest. And a name-tag that said "GoLucky". Glancing about him, Vegeta noted the line of men on both his sides, who looked equally lost and repulsed.

"My name is Mister GoLucky! And I'm here to teach you PARENTING SKILLS!!" Well, it was obvious Mister GoLucky was enthusiastic about his job.

Vegeta groaned, wondering how he had managed to be dragged into a situation like this..._again_

Vegeta, along with the twenty or so other expectant fathers, were lead down a perfect white marbled hall. GoLucky was skipping along in the front as he then lead them down a corner and into a larger room that looked like it might be used for conferences.

"Now! Everyone take a seat!" GoLucky motioned around at the rows of cushioned chairs presented.

Vegeta sulked over to the chair nearest to him, grumbling about spending time with pathetic humans and rampant blue-suit men_._

"Now...someone define the word 'baby'!" GoLucky instructed. Eagerly he looked around at the blank-faced men.

"Uh...a little kid?" one man ventured to say.

"Anyone else?"

"What happens when a man and woman love each other-"

"ANYONE else?"

"...A waste of time."

This answer came from Vegeta.

GoLucky spotted Vegeta and clapped his hands together. "Well then! I guess we have a lot to do!"

And thus began Vegeta's training.

-_-_-_-

THE CHRONICLES OF PARENTING.

DAY 2 - THE MODEL.

"Now, babies are fragile creatures! You must respect them and treat them with great care!" GoLucky instructed as the plastic baby model was passed from one shifty, nerve-wracked man to the next down the row. The plastic baby model finally ended up in Vegeta's hands.

Inspecting the baby crudely, Vegeta snorted at how puny it looked. "Pathetic..." he half-hazardly tossed it over to the man to his left.

GoLucky gasped. "VEGETA!" Flickering over to the Saiyajin's side, GoLucky snatched the baby model out of the other man's hands and plunked it back into Vegeta's. "Just for that, you'll have to watch Baby Junior for the rest of the day!"

Vegeta groaned.

That night, Vegeta tossed and turned in bed. Bulma would grump and complain, but little did she know the nightmares lurking within her mate's mind.

Vegeta was dreaming of red-eyed plastic baby models named Junior, creeping towards him from the shadows, accompanied with a soul-less voice. "Veeeegggeeeetttaaaaa...."

The saiyajin jerked awake in a cold sweat. Taking a few deep breaths, he rolled over...only to look right in the face of Satan himself!

"AHH!" The image of a red-eyed plastic baby quickly vanished as he realized he was looking at Bulma.

"That's IT! On the couch tonight! I can't sleep with you constantly yelling!" Bulma scolded, irritated.

Vegeta grumped, slinking out of bed. This might be harder than he thought...

-_-_-_-

DAY 3 - THE EGG.

"Now class, yesterday we discussed how careful you must be with babies! Now, you must simulate that you are taking care of one!" GoLucky produced an egg from his pocket and held it up for all men to see. "You must taken an egg and take care of it all day! I don't even want to see a crack in it!"

Vegeta watched blearily as an egg was handed to him. The first thing he thought was: omelet. But that probably wouldn't settle well with GoLucky if he just suddenly ate his 'baby'.

Frowning, Vegeta reluctantly followed as GoLucky led the line of men outside.

Outside, what looked like a boot camp lay before them. A line of tires--rope, a rock wall...

And in front of it all stood a tall, army-dressed man with a whip in hand. He smirked at the men as they filed out into the nice, fresh air. "NOW LISTEN UP, YOU NEANDERTHALS!"

Vegeta growled, his sensitive ears flinching at the loud voice of the commander. Looking around, GoLucky was nowhere to be seen.

"I AM GOING TO PUT YOU THROUGH RIGOROUS TRAINING. HOPEFULLY THIS WILL GET RID OF SOME OF THOSE POTBELLIES AND TEACH YOU DAINTYNESS! YOU MUST COMPLETE ALL THESE COURSES WHILE HOLDING YOUR EGG! IF I SEE ONE CRACK, YOU DO IT AGAIN! AND AGAIN!" The man cracked his whip. "YOU GOT THAT?!"

All the men, now white-faced and afraid, nodded mutely. Vegeta snorted. How hard would this be?

THREE HOURS LATER.

"ARGH!!" Vegeta watched as his egg tumbled onto the ground again. Crack.

Within a second, Commando Jones was up in his face. "HOW DARE YOU DROP YOUR BABY! LOOK AT THIS!" Commando Jones snatches up the egg and shoved it in Vegeta's face, the ooze from within leaking out onto his hand. "YOU JUST KILLED YOUR BABY! DO IT AGAIN!" He shoved another egg into the Saiyajin's hand.

Vegeta groaned. This was the 63rd time for him to do this! He just couldn't keep that dang egg whole and uncracked! He couldn't use any of his saiyajin powers, Bulma had already scolded him about that, to make it any easier. 

"DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?! I SAID -AGAIN-!"

Grumbling incoherently, Vegeta stomped back to the beginning of the obstacle course.

-_-_-_-

DAY 4 - UNDERSTANDING.

"I absolutely REFUSE TO GET INTO THAT THING!!"

GoLucky slunk towards the flabbergasted saiyajin, an evil gleam in his eye. "Now Vegeta! You have to cooperate!"

"NO!"

Commando Jones entered the changing room. "WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"Vegeta refuses to take part in our next parenting exercise!" GoLucky whined.

"OH, NOW DOES HE...?"

TEN MINUTES LATER.

Vegeta stalked out of the dressing room, now with a lovely bulging stomach showing underneath his Badman shirt. Parenting exercise?! This ridiculous suit simulated pregnancy!!

But he had to wear it. Commando Jones had threatened to show Vegeta the room where all the plastic baby models...where all the extra 'Juniors' were kept.

Oh HELL no.

GoLucky clapped, looking upon the line of now pregnant-looking, extremely embarrassed and/or agitated men. "Now! This is to help you REALLY get in TOUCH with the bond of your soon-to-be baby...a simulation of pregnancy! Can't you feel your bond to the child growing?!"

Vegeta snorted. He sure couldn't feel anything growing, but he could feel something withering...his dignity.

-_-_-_-

DAY 5 - VISUAL AIDS.

Teddy bears. Baby blue wall paint. Flashing light mobiles! Glowing stars on the ceiling?!

A BABY'S room! It even SMELLED like baby powder!

Vegeta stumbled back, the scene of such...an ELABORATE baby room too much for the poor saiyajin.

"This is what the baby's room will most likely look like!" GoLucky stated as he sat on a toy box. He waved at the men, who were all crunched together in one corner. "This is what your wives will create! And you must grow used to it! Now...we must study the toys baby's will use, and go over the potential hazards! This is also to help you get in touch with your childhood!" GoLucky clapped his hands again, hopping off the toy box and opening it. Inside, a treasure trove of toys of all shapes, sizes, and gender preferences. "Now, come up and pick a toy!"

Vegeta resolved to keep his feet planted in one spot (Which, unhappily was by a rather large, hairy, stinky man who also looked to keep his feet planted). But out of the corner of his eye, underneath a spinning plane mobile, Vegeta saw Commando Jones.

Commando Jones cracked his whip in hand, smirking like a lunatic. Again, images of Junior flashed in Vegeta's mind.

Trying to look inconspicuous, both Vegeta and the hair man cleared their throats and made their way to the toy box with the other fathers. 

-_-_-_-

DAY 6 - IN CONCLUSION.

"It makes me so PROUD to announce this!" GoLucky stood in front of the line of men, wiping a tear from his eye. "You all look so...gorgeous!"

Vegeta sweatdropped from somewhere amidst the crowd.

"And I am proud to announce...ALL OF YOU HAVE PASSED PARENTING 101! Commemorative Pikachu plushies can be found at the door, and 'I LOVE MY DADDY' bibs right next to that!!" With that, GoLucky, and even a teary-eyed Commando Jones flung confetti out into the crowd of men.

Breaking down into gleeful sobs, all of the now official fathers hugged each other in relief that the trails were finally over. Vegeta found himself at the door, waiting for his baka mate to pick him up ("Oh, flying would look TOO suspicious!" she had said), when he found himself picking out a Pikachu plushie and a bib from the stash to his right. Coughing, and glancing around, the saiyajin stuffed the goodies under his arms. Hearing the familiar honk of a Capsule Corp hover car, the saiyajin bolted out of the building. 

"Well? Was it worth it?" Bulma asked her mate as she sped down the street.

"Hmph."

But when Bulma wasn't looking, Vegeta lovingly snuggled the Pikachu plush. 

-_-_-_-

AFTERWARD.

A smile tweaked Vegeta's lips as he looked down at his son. Trunks gurgled and tried gnawing on his fist. Making sure the woman wasn't around, the saiyajin placed the 'I LOVE MY DADDY' bib on his son and put the (oddly gnawed on...) Pikachu plushie by him. Trunks giggled, kicking up his chubby feet.

Well...it wasn't that bad. His son didn't look like that horrid Junior. 

AND he had gotten brownie points with his wife.

And that dang cute Pikachu plush.


End file.
